And oh how long my post has been until it needs to be divided into two… Yes; this topic is the longest yet… I used this topic to express myself in an unnoticeable way, where I’m usually seen having the expression of happiness, sadness, anger, arrogance and other thousands of expressions but I’ve never been seen in the lament or in the regret form. So by writing this blog, I hope to share my regrets of doing what I’ve done, to show my inner side that I’ve been hiding….
Continuing what I had written in my previous post, I would like to list some of the wise words that my mom gave to me as a motivational reason to live on…
During that regretful lecture, my mom said to me that…
suicide is an unforgivable sin and forbidden by all religions
as a human being, you make mistakes, what you need to do is regret it, and be better
there will always be people that love & care about you, no matter what the others do to you
only STUPID people commit suicide because they don’t know what they’re missing
you are created for a reason and you need to fulfil this reason
only WEAK people kills themselves as they are not strong against their problems
you are equally important to the world just like everyone
responsibilities are mostly choices of your own, so choose them rightly
suicide means HELL and never, ever will be Heaven
no turning back when you’re dead, so why do you want to do it?
everything happens for a reason, what you need to do is leave it to God and pray
Those were some of the advices that my mom gave to me during her babbles. But the one thing that really touched me is when she said that she loved me, no matter what. As I was sobbing; she stopped nagging, came to me and hugged me, saying “its okay, just don’t ever try to do it again”. I felt the heaviest guilt on that day. Ignoring my parent’s love, ignoring my responsibilities towards them, towards my family and myself, ignoring The One that always watches over everything I do and say and think, ignoring the people that ever cared about me and ignoring my own reason of me created in this world… which is to be someone useful and successful in this temporary world. I realized on that day, that my journey is still very long, I must walk further, think longer, function more and be more… there must be a reason for God to choose me out of millions of tadpoles to play with that buried ball, a reason that I will search even if I need to die for it. At least I’m not dying because of frustration or problems; but I’ll die in faith that I have a goal and I have achieved it…
Continuing what I had written in my previous post, I would like to list some of the wise words that my mom gave to me as a motivational reason to live on…
During that regretful lecture, my mom said to me that…
suicide is an unforgivable sin and forbidden by all religions
as a human being, you make mistakes, what you need to do is regret it, and be better
there will always be people that love & care about you, no matter what the others do to you
only STUPID people commit suicide because they don’t know what they’re missing
you are created for a reason and you need to fulfil this reason
only WEAK people kills themselves as they are not strong against their problems
you are equally important to the world just like everyone
responsibilities are mostly choices of your own, so choose them rightly
suicide means HELL and never, ever will be Heaven
no turning back when you’re dead, so why do you want to do it?
everything happens for a reason, what you need to do is leave it to God and pray
Those were some of the advices that my mom gave to me during her babbles. But the one thing that really touched me is when she said that she loved me, no matter what. As I was sobbing; she stopped nagging, came to me and hugged me, saying “its okay, just don’t ever try to do it again”. I felt the heaviest guilt on that day. Ignoring my parent’s love, ignoring my responsibilities towards them, towards my family and myself, ignoring The One that always watches over everything I do and say and think, ignoring the people that ever cared about me and ignoring my own reason of me created in this world… which is to be someone useful and successful in this temporary world. I realized on that day, that my journey is still very long, I must walk further, think longer, function more and be more… there must be a reason for God to choose me out of millions of tadpoles to play with that buried ball, a reason that I will search even if I need to die for it. At least I’m not dying because of frustration or problems; but I’ll die in faith that I have a goal and I have achieved it…
2 comments:
dun worry, dear..
we'll walk alongside u... right down to the end of the path... ^_^
i knew u had problems but didn't thought they were this huge. It's so sad, really. I almost cried reading ur your post while my sis is playing 'let it be' on her guitar. I just want u to noe that ur mom isn't the only one who loves and cares for u. We all do too. I love u like a brother I never had. Whenever you need a hug, a shoulder or a listening ear, I'm there! In the words of street language, "We've got your back, homie!"
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