At last, I come to this topic, related to the “what the s*** does this fella mean?” topic which is on the top of this blog. I received complaints from my fellow Jap-friends Sakyou Dono, Kaori-Chan, and Aki-Chan that my blog is TOO PHILOSHOPHICAL… well, what do you expect? With a topic like that, of course I must write the articles in it philosophically (gosh, that word is such a pain in the tongue to speak, I need to spell one by one: phi.lo.so.phi.cal.ly…). Okay, why did I go for this topic… as I already stated in my past few posts, I am one of those who thought of committing suicide and am one that almost closely tried to commit it… It doesn’t happen though because I forgot to unlock the door and my mom entered and saw me and hijacked the pillow from me and gave me a two hour lecture… Well, those lectures were listened and stored in my psychotic brain (although my mom didn’t think so…) and those lectures themselves were the inspiration to this blog.
My mom lectured me with love and that touched me as I thought that no one loves me anymore. There are at certain points where we felt so stressed out, we just felt blank and felt that there are no more reasons to continue living in this world, as if we bring no meaning to the world. Therefore, why would we want to trouble the others, let’s just kill ourselves… I felt the same feeling and I share the same thoughts with whoever once thought of this… However, if you still continue thinking like this, even if you’ve never thought of the ‘lets just kill ourselves…’ part, by thinking such way; like you bring no meaning to this world can lead to it… so stop thinking like that, will you?
What my mom lectured me consisted of few simple advices that almost anyone could give without having the certificate for counselling or motivation… She said simple things like “you’re important to this world” and such… Sounds like something that anyone could say, right? But at the point where you’re out of motivation, out of spirit, you’ll take that as the biggest, gigantic-est word of motivation anyone has ever told you… Typing this brought tears to my eyes… as I can feel the guilt of almost killing myself, just like the time I was lectured… as I was envisaged (this, you would need to refer to a dictionary…) by the images of me suffering to have a breath of air under the pillow, images of me dying, images of me inside the grave, with people crying and sympathising over my grave, oh how painful it is if their tears dropped onto my grave, oh how painful it is to be inside Hell, tortured in the God’s almighty fires, oh how painful, how painful!!!………………… ((to be continued))
My mom lectured me with love and that touched me as I thought that no one loves me anymore. There are at certain points where we felt so stressed out, we just felt blank and felt that there are no more reasons to continue living in this world, as if we bring no meaning to the world. Therefore, why would we want to trouble the others, let’s just kill ourselves… I felt the same feeling and I share the same thoughts with whoever once thought of this… However, if you still continue thinking like this, even if you’ve never thought of the ‘lets just kill ourselves…’ part, by thinking such way; like you bring no meaning to this world can lead to it… so stop thinking like that, will you?
What my mom lectured me consisted of few simple advices that almost anyone could give without having the certificate for counselling or motivation… She said simple things like “you’re important to this world” and such… Sounds like something that anyone could say, right? But at the point where you’re out of motivation, out of spirit, you’ll take that as the biggest, gigantic-est word of motivation anyone has ever told you… Typing this brought tears to my eyes… as I can feel the guilt of almost killing myself, just like the time I was lectured… as I was envisaged (this, you would need to refer to a dictionary…) by the images of me suffering to have a breath of air under the pillow, images of me dying, images of me inside the grave, with people crying and sympathising over my grave, oh how painful it is if their tears dropped onto my grave, oh how painful it is to be inside Hell, tortured in the God’s almighty fires, oh how painful, how painful!!!………………… ((to be continued))
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