:::: Tagged Up ::::

I didn’t know, what is it that two of my blog friends, Audrey and Joolz asked me to join in this game created by them, named The Tagging Game... where i need to list 10 things I wanted to do after school, and then I need tag like 5 people have a blog dat joins this game, If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT ...

Ok, if that’s what the game needs to get it going, fine...
10 things I wan to do after school:

(i) Get my hair straighten (as a test) and my face “polished” to perfection...
(ii) Holiday for a week at my New York loft with my Malaysian friends, and maybe to my foster family’s mansionnette and with my Velvet 12
(iii) Celebrate “freedom” with my Velvet 12 by having a fairytale-themed prom party in LA
(iv) Learn to drive and take international lisence
(v) Maybe find a work (occupation) to do...
(vi) Enter drama and D&T (design and tailor) classes
(vii) Have my PHILOSOPHIC blog maximised to100 posts, long ones...
(viii) Go for a 2-day nonstop shopping spree on designer clothes (after begging my foster dad to give the money to spend)
(ix) Sell one of my luxury cars to be donated for the unfortunate ones in warstrucked countries
(x) Have a complete personality makeover, so I can be a better, more positive, and more hearty person...

As for the five peeps to tag, I don’t think I have enough blog-peeps, but I’ll just list them anyway...

i. Audrey
ii. Joolz
iii. A.Shenigans
iv. Freddy
v. Jazlyn

Well, that’s it, then... Note that this is the shortest and fastest post and the LEAST PHILOSOPHICAL post I have ever posted, so appreciate it okay... Apocalypso out...

:::: the power of tolerance ::::

This post you’re reading now is specially typed for me, and for anyone who think that they should be associated with the topic… tolerance, acceptance, and open-mindedness… the qualities that should be inside everyone’s personalities… you need to accept people for who they are, you need to tolerate with people that just hurts you constantly (be it physically, mentally or your heart) and you need to always be open-minded and positive towards everything in life… Therefore I would need to apologise for my last post that is filled with the most negativity in this blog, as I realised that my reason of writing this blog is to spread positivity, not anger and negativity… However, although I have apologised for my negative thoughts I had put in my last post, that doesn’t mean I’m going to delete it… but I’m going to use it as a post to remember, a post that revealed how weak I am towards pressure and I’ll use it as a motivation to be more tolerant and to be more patient…

Co-related to my last post, I have screamed and shouted all the negative effects intolerance has brought. It shows by not being tolerant to your surrounding, you might feel pressurised. Yes, it might seem like it’s your girlfriend’s fault for accusing you of something you didn’t do, and it may seem like it is your friend’s fault as he is the one who should be blamed for the fiasco he went through with his boyfriend, and yes, some people just wouldn’t know that they are causing major noise pollution by singing so out of tune, plants and animals die out of suffocation, but it’s us who need to be patient and be more open-minded about things…

What does tolerance bring to our lives and the others? It brings total goodness and positivity of course, as being tolerant to others helps us to understand what they are going through… Understanding people’s condition helps us to look at ourselves further and deeper which in the same time brings us to accept them, knowing that everyone has problems of their own and by us being intolerant to them, will just cause them to feel more tension and stressed out of their problems and themselves… therefore as a human being that have emotions to feel and brains to think, we should be tolerant to everyone as well as understanding their problems because by being a tolerant person, you’ll be liked and you’ll be understood by them too and you’ll be a better person towards everyone and even to yourself…

:::: damn annoying brats that won’t leave you alone… ::::

Have you felt so annoyed and angry at once? I bet I have… that’s my reason of typing this post… imagine you having a fight with your girlfriend, on phone from a long distance relationship, with screaming and frustrations, then came the incoming phone call from your best friend who is gay from the same place with your girlfriend went through a fight through phone with you, and then the matters just got worst as your best girl-friends group up and make a prank ‘do you know who I am’ joke call, while being tremendously babbled and nagged by your mother and then your siblings came asking lotsa crazy algebra and additional maths and geography, with your annoying neighbour karaoke-ing so bad you can see the glass is starting to shatter?!!!! Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….

That is what I had gone through before turning down on myself, I ran out of home, to catch a breath of peace and calmness. And when I start to think rationally, I went in… and realised that the condition is still as hectic as ever… I went to my laptop, put on the MCR songs as loudly as ever, beating the extreme sounds that came from my neighbour’s house, and typed this frustration relieving subject…

How can a woman be so tremendously moody when they’re on their “full moon”? I know, the pain and agony… but couldn’t they just tolerate with the others? Or at least their boyfriend? And why do some friends would just suddenly talk to you for advice after few months of not talking to each other and then blame you for supporting their boyfriend for the fact that they are the ones to be blamed? And why would some friends just don’t understand the tone of annoyed and anger when they called you and just understand that you need some time alone? And why the f***ing hell would the stranger-stalkers keep on bugging your asses off on your phone knowing that you don’t want to be bugged? And why couldn’t people just know that they are bad singers, so bad everyone would just kill themselves in order to make them stop? Why oh why????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Annoyance! Hatred! Anger!!! Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As I’m huffin’ and puffin’ while writing this post, stamping on my laptop’s keyboard and looking like hell, I know that I should just stop typing now and just go to my pillow and scream… Arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:::: forced… ::::

How does it feel, to do something that you don’t want to do? It SUCKS man, it SUCKS!!! I just hate it when I’m asked to do things that I don’t like, especially when I have to like it with what so ever reason… What makes matters worst is; it is my parents that asked me to do it… so I have no power to decline what they want me to do… Well what can I do, I’m still a kid, under my parents’ responsibility… but first and foremost thing that I dislike is doing something without sincerity… or simply called FORCED! That is what differentiates us from doing things sincerely or without a heart at all… When we’re forced, of course we felt tensioned, angry, and mostly insincere… one of the things I hate about people… I’m writing this with rage of being asked to do what I hate most… I’m not gonna tell you what it is because you’ll take me as a childish person; (well guess what? I am and I’m proud of it…)… I mean come on! Give me a break! Give the others a break! Just because we’re kids, or someone “lower” than you it doesn’t mean we have no feelings… we do and we hope that you people that just like to do things for us without our knowledge would at least care… Yes, you might be our dad, our mom, aunts, uncles, gramps or whoever, but we here matter too. Have you ever been forced to do something? I bet you have… and I bet you didn’t like the feeling don’t cha? And when we do the “things”, it will either end up horribly, incomplete, or still managed to be completed, but we did not feel good doin’ it… Well, what can we do? Ask yourself… and as I am asking myself, I can’t think of any word of positive-ness except ‘calm down’…

Calming down is the best way for you to have temporary (or permanent) control over the pressure of being forced… (So that’s how Cinderella did it huh?) By calming your senses, you are able to control your feelings and when you’re in control of your feelings, you will be in control of the situation… Ok; I’m a bit calmed up… (Gosh, writing philosophic blogs like this surely helps you to have control over your feelings huh?)… now when you’re all calmed down, start to think again… if your mind is as mischievous as mine, you’ll get to think of zillions of good ideas and positive–but-negative ways to avoid being told to do what you don’t want to do… I’ll harvest some of mine and juice it up here…

One, to avoid being continuously forced to do ‘It’, you shall AVOID by using all means… like if it has a timeline for example it starts at 8 o’clock in the morning, try to delay it… be it by sleeping (or pretend to do it) and not waking up even if there’s an earthquake or make a crappy but life-saving excuse by saying “I thought it’s 8 o’clock at night… sorry…” when asked why you’re late or didn’t make it…

Two, (this technique is only recommended for people that have creative-critical thinking…) give EXCUSES… give as many as possible, quickly dish out what goes on through your head that is logical enough to be made into a good excuse (note: your parents or family or boss or whoever it is are not stupid, they know you’re dishin’ out excuses… so be smart at serving it to them or it will backfire…).

Three, SYMPATHY… (This technique is recommended for drama royalties or people that have a face like Puss-in-Boots like the one in Shrek) do your face as sympathetic as ever, beg, act, sing, dance as dramatic, as musical and melodramatic as ever just to get votes (sounds like American Idol…) well the difference from AI is, you either be released from the forcing process, or punished for the worst with a red palm-shaped mark on your face… plus, the judges aren’t as tolerant as Paula and Randy and even worse than Simon himself… so before doing this maestrotipical performance, write a script and make sure it’s convincing… (and I mean your performance, not the script…)

And lastly, the most easiest but difficult-est thing to do… using your vocals, brains, and skills of persuasion (this technique, is recommended for people with political nature, debaters or people that know how to persuade a lot) Talk, COMMUNICATE with your forcer, politically reason out your views, dish out the pros and cons of the ‘forcing’, make sure the cons are more than the pros and when they try to disagree, dish out more, as loudly as possible, overlapping their voices and don’t give them any chance of fighting back…

I don’t want to be seen teaching people how to avoid stuffs that you’re forced to do and be a person that always avoids all the time… and I don’t want to watch people being forced to do things that they don’t want to do either… So this is my advice… when you’re asked to do something, make sure you accept it and agreed to all of the terms… Then, set a proper plan, a schedule (if it’s a chore, do it because it’s your responsibility). Another thing, when it is agreed and it’s under your responsibility, execute it… if you are told to do it because you delayed it or you didn’t do it as planned, it is not an order and they are not forcing… it is you who are f***ing lazy to do it until you need to be forced… Therefore I shall not grant you the ability to use my ideas in my previous post to avoid your responsibilities… By the way, the best way to handle forcing is by using the last idea which is to communicate and the better than the best way is by using all of it at once, without doing it too much or too little. But… (When there’s a but, give attention…) only use the communicating stuff on people that can tolerate you… (I wonder if Cinderella used the diplomatic way to the Stepmother, she would be thrown to the dark, slimy, no-fairy-dungeons) because if you went for a cold heartless person to beg for sympathy, to dramatise, or to be diplomatic, it’ll be such a waste… In fact, he or she will double your chores or anything related to what they are forcing you to do… So choose the right ideas, try to avoid using any of the ideas too much and be more tolerant… as by doing this, you can be calmer and be more positive…

:::: when hating yourself is not an option… ::::

Actually, I wanted to name this post as “Hated and Be Hated” like I promised my friend Jessica as I’m going to dedicate this to her, but I don’t feel right about the topic (actually I have no idea of what to write, sheesh, silly me…) so I changed to this one, as I think I have stories to share and ideas to tell… So this is it… when hating yourself is not an option, what do you do? Hate yourself of course, what else? But first, I would like to admit that I also hate myself especially when I just do what goes through my mind spontaneously without thinking; and I would like to apologise to my fellow Christian friends when they had came across the word ”HELLaluiah” from the ending of my first post. I found out that that was very disrespectful and I’m very sorry, as my intentions are just to make it as a joke, not to insult…

Hating yourself, a negative attitude for a better attitude… (Confused? You won’t, just continue reading…) what I meant by saying being negative for positive, is by hating yourself (negative), you’ll end up being a better individual (positive). When we turn to hate ourselves, we’ll go for the inner monologue-ing (Talk inside from your heart? Consciousness? Inner voices? Do you have any idea of what the HELL I’m talking?). Yes, we throw tantrums all over our heart and soul while criticising ourselves inside… and do you realise we dished out negative words to ourselves while doing so? And yes, you do feel better after the “You are so stupid, Why must I be like this, I’m such a goner” process… this is because we are human beings, that have likes and dislikes, that have feelings, that regret over something bad we had done … and if you have a friend that go for outer monologue-ing when he or she criticise themselves, pay attention as they do need it, lots and lots of attention… Like I said, hating yourself IS a negative thing to do, but it turns out to be positive at last… this is because as you hate yourself so much and by throwing those not-so-kind words to yourself, those words can be a big motivational word for you to be better… I mean for example, you keep on saying like “Why must you be so stupid?”, it can help you to be a better, not so stupid person… As long, you continue to be POSITIVE about it… hating yourself is like putting yourself at the end of a pirate ship’s plank… one side is the pirates with swashbuckling swords and the other side is the wavy sea, with tick-tock-sounding alligator waiting to chomp you down (sounds familiar eh?)… This shows that hating yourself can be negative too… that is, if you continue to be a bad egg towards yourself… you should take every critic that you tell to yourself or any from the other source out of your rough endoplasmic reticulum (oops, the epidermis) seriously and very, very positively… For example everytime people ‘critic’ you, you shall say “thank you”, as a form of appreciation of knowing that they care for you and they want you to change to a better person… Don’t take it as a mocking as that will make you angry, moody and feel uncomfortable all the time. In fact, they might be annoyed with it and continue “appreciating” you and you shall say thank them as much as they appreciated you… and as the appreciation process continues, they will feel tired and extremely annoyed, and move away… as easy as th-ank-you…

So what’s the conclusion? Hating yourself isn’t bad, but it’s bad… (Confused again? I am too…sigh). Ok, take it like this… don’t hate yourself too much, and NEVER bring yourself down and NEVER let anyone else do the same… although hating yourself is an optional thing to do but actually we shouldn’t, there are at certain times where we just can’t do anything else other than that… So hate yourself positively and temporarily, and USE EVERY CRITIC AS A MOTIVATION TO BE BETTER, and always be POSITIVE no matter what as when you discover the miracle of being positive, you’ll thank yourself for it… (Awww, don’t flatter me, flatter yourself… hehehe)

:::: when the heart questions… ::::

This very post is dedicated to my fellow friends out there that wished and hoped to change into a better person, not to the worst…Ok, when the heart questions us what to do, why we should do it, or how, is it something that we should take it as it is, or should we think about it before answering to those bugging questions in your head?… Of course when we’re not ourselves, we’ll just follow anything that pops out of our mind right? Well, when you’re “high”, or drunk, angry, confused or just being crazy, we might just follow our instincts because your brain is too stupid too think logically and normally… Your feelings and emotions, a factor that affects the human nature of thinking and instincts…when you’re happy and relaxed, you might be able to think logically and effectively but when you’re not you’ll just go bezerk and follow ‘what the bloody cricket’ stuffs your heart tells you to do…
First thing to do is take the deepest breath you can take (just don’t take it too deep until you die), and release it slowly… Ok, now, when your heart questions you to change yourself, ask yourself and I mean ask your brain, not your heart and think carefully…Are you changing for the better or the worst? Are you capable of changing to be like the one you’re thinking of? Will you be happy and will the others be happy with the change? Will it last forever? Why must the change be done? And the one and most importantly… DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE? I asked you to ask these questions to yourself because it is very crucial for yourself, to know your very own reasons for you to change… and be honest to yourself because it’s you we’re talking ‘bout here not me…and as far as I know, if you’re not true to yourself, you’re just being a hypocrite, lying not just to everyone, but to yourself too. Don’t change because of people that asked you to. And don’t even care about what the others tell, mock and laugh at you, just ignore them and move on… BE TRUE TO YOURSELF… if you’re someone that can’t take humiliation and just can’t take it anymore, just face the person(s) and say this… “F*** OFF!!!” with the most angriest and cynical facial expression you’ll ever have on your beautiful (or handsome) face. And make sure you don’t mingle with the group that didn’t accept you as you are… But, although most of the gang kind off disliked you, there are some that did liked you… and they did not actually hate you, they just hate your attitude, therefore all you need to do is change your attitude… So if you’re ready to change without feeling that you must change for the sake of being in the gang; unless it’s you who wanted it, then change, I bet all of your friends in the gang will do their best to support you until you became totally changed… if they don’t, then leave the gang because they don’t deserve you and before that, make a big finale, a maestro ending by saying the two professional words, “F*** OFF”… as simple as that isn’t it?
However, no matter how much important it is for you to think before making a decision, your instincts matters too… “Listen to your heart”… have you heard of such thing? I’m sure you’ve never heard of “Listen to your brain” right? So, the best way is to do both things, balance the ying and yang of making decisions… and if brains and hearts isn’t enough, think of the spiritual side, where the angels and demons play a part… and by the way, do you know that those two creatural species affects both the brain and heart? Sometimes it takes desperate measures for us to make a change… I mean it doesn’t always go when only you wanted it to happen, as sometimes you do need to change for the sake of others… take an example, you’re in this group, where everyone is stereotypically same and identically identical (whew, such tongue-twisting words!)… and there is no one else that have the same qualities like you that can click with… so the best way is to change so you can at least make good terms with the others… or the best way is to leave the ghastly stinkin’ place so you can be peaceful and happy to be with the others… or another example, you are in a group of perfectionist in this summer camp and you just can’t get along with any of them, but you would need their help and so do they need your help in order to succeed the challenges during the camp, so in order to get that happenin’, you must change… but the grass over there isn’t always greener right? I have no right to tell you to change because like I said, it’s all up to you to change, and change needs sincerity because without it, you’ll be a pretender that hypocritically lies to everyone… By the way, you’re not that desperate to impress everyone aren’t you? If you are, go ahead and change your arse off and never feel comfortable with it, never! And get that feeling till’ you reached that glossy bottom (by means buttered butt) to kiss everyday and spread your pouty lips with it… ‘Nuff said…

:::: HEROES concept towards life now… ::::

Ok, what’s with the fanatic fans of HEROES? What’s so cool about it? And how the heck does this TV-related topic has anything to do with my so called philosophical blog? Too philosophical eh? I’ll show you even TV shows can be philosophic… the concept applied to the Heroes episodes, from one plot to another shows people, ordinary people realised that they had powers, be it the ones that they like, and some just try so hard to hide it (If you know the feeling of being a freakshow, you might as well do the same…). The story starts as Dr. Suresh made this experiment cum project called the ‘Human Genome Project’. In this DNA-related with all the scientific stuff in this project, it shows a few, no, a lot of names of people that are suspected to have gone through another stage of human evolution (not Mitsubishi Evolution, ok?). Then it shows the people in that list and their daily life story and bla bla bla….

In that TV show, there lies people with their unique powers… some with powers like having control of time and space, some having split personalities of their evil sister (oh, poor Nicki…), some with the ability to float in the air, paint the future, heal tremendously no matter how you hurt yourself (gosh, I wish I have that power…), pass through objects, extraordinary memory, copycat people’s powers, read mind, control mind and telekinesis (another power of the mind) and even be apocalypse themselves (kaboooshh!!! another cool factor…) and more and more and more…(what do you expect? It’s a long, long list…) what differentiates them from each other is the fact that they chose to be with the good side or to the dark alleys… and do you realise that most of the powers stated are like those in X-Men? Of course, when it comes to people with powers, they have no other “bright” ideas other than those kinds of powers…

Similar to life on Earth, but different to life Earth, (sigh, this kid’s got the metaphor syndrome didn’t he? Always non stop metaphors…) Yeah, I used a lot of metaphors in this blog, as the use of those confusing inner layered words is what differentiates my blog, from my friends’… by the way, like I said, similar to life on Earth, but different to life Earth, we here have gone through a lot of evolutionary process, if you trust Darwin (Charles Darwin to be more factual), we came from monkeys, primates, gorillas and chimps evolved to this vulgar savages that knows nothing, evolves to vulgar savages that knows something and evolved to bla bla bla to us, Homo Sapiens sp. a human being in urban areas of the world, modernised and able to dress rightly (still, there are people that dressed like those savages on Halloween, sigh)… I wonder, do you even want to be associated with those “uuk eek eek ark ark” sounding animals? I don’t… that’s for sure…

And although we don’t have powers like they do, we know that we don’t need powers to live on life… as the powers bring two meaning towards us, one, it will bring you good stuffs and two, it’ll bring you bad things… in fact we already have the powers those superheroes have… such as having control over people’s mind or also known as the power of manipulation and persuasion… Yes, manipulation and the ability to persuade people to do what we want to do or what we want them to do is already a power inside us, it’s just up to the person whether they know how to use it or not…Yeah, you can’t pass through objects and travel through time and space, but you can have amazing memory, be a copycat and most amazingly be Apocalypse yourself… Yeah, just throw on some tantrums on the rules of the world and break ‘em (not bend it, ok… only I am the rule bender…) and be Apocalypse, ruining peeps lives, ruining the environment, ruining the world, and bellissimo! You’re on your way towards being Apocalypse (although you’re not gonna explode yourself like Peter Petrelli saw himself did and ruin the whole Hero-polis, you’re still one heck of an Apocalypse…) Whatever it is I hope you did not always ask from Him for you to have powers… the reason He didn’t give it to you is reasonable enough and no need for questioning… You don’t need the powers if you can manipulate people, but first you would need to manipulate yourself…You wouldn’t need to wish for powers to transport yourself like Hiro or the Jumpers in Jumper, or orb out like Whitelighters in Charmed when you’re so tired walking to a very long distance, just lie down on the highway (small roads are more recommended), and pray that someone will stop just right with their tyres right by your Adams apple and carry you to where you wanted to go… crazy aren’t I?

:::: hopes and dreams ::::

Everybody does have dreams, and from every dream there comes another dream… I’m listening to one of Westlife’s inspirational song, ‘I Have a Dream’ right now to have this post written well, co-relatedly and sync-ing to what I’m thinking right now… like I said just now, everybody has a dream (dreamssss to be specific) and everyone has a fantasy of what they should be or should have. I myself had dreamed of myself that way… You see, I am someone who people can say a person that craves attention…popularity to be more frank, and I’m not afraid to admit it… I do crave popularity, and I’ve been longing to have it… At times I felt like I’ve achieved it, since everyday at school, people; whether they know me or not will give a few hellos and greets or at least grins and smiles to me. Until I really realised, that I am popular, but for the wrong reasons; one of that reasons is related to this story……… I still remember that cool and calm day… but the tranquillity was interrupted by a thumping noise that came out from my chest, dub-dab-dub-dab-dub-dab I sigh, “Gosh, I’m gonna do terribly today, aren’t I?” while wearing a terrible costume as Harry Potter, for a poem presentation that needs me to be him, one of my fantasy idol in front of 1,700 people (see, I can even still remember the numbers!)… As I thought so negatively I saw people laughing at me, including my best friends, that I think I wouldn’t even dare to laugh at if it was them up there so nervous… I just watched them laughing at me, and because of that, I really did my presentation terribly which added the sinister laughs that just break my heart to go through… In addition, I fell out of my body (faint, to be clear…) down to the floor for a few ticks before I went up there, and that fact had just made matters worst… Luckily I have two guardian angels that time, just right behind me, supporting me… and I thanked them very, very much as I can only see them as the only ones that supported me at that time… by then it is clear to me who my real friends are… Although I can’t get this one small matter out of my head until now, hmmm……… Let it be, what’s past is past… So, even though I have been put down because of that so called dream, I did not stop… I will try my best to come up on that podium, and make their mouths wide open, amused… and of course I do have other dreams too… like being a very, very good actor (I think I have achieved that too… hahaha), having the girl of my dreams (blush), plus exclusively awesome looks and bod with my dream life, so I don’t need to hide behind my alter-ego, and more and more (I’m trying to not cut off my last post topic from being the longest yet, you see, so I won’t list all of my crappy but real dreams)… In life, there are people that are just so envious of everything that we do or of what we are, but don’t worry, as life goes on, we’ll overcome it just like that… just one last thing to say, that is no matter what, NEVER say never to your dreams and keep continue dreaming because that is what keeps people living… NEVER let all the obstacles, the cynical grins and the not-so-wise words thrown at you be the ‘STOP’ sign for your dreams. Before I really end this post, I would like to give out my forever existing dream… My lasting hopes and dream is, to have my dreams come true and bring goodness to everyone, everything, everytime and everyplace, and hey, did I say that I want to become popular?

:::: the reasons to continue living 2 ::::

And oh how long my post has been until it needs to be divided into two… Yes; this topic is the longest yet… I used this topic to express myself in an unnoticeable way, where I’m usually seen having the expression of happiness, sadness, anger, arrogance and other thousands of expressions but I’ve never been seen in the lament or in the regret form. So by writing this blog, I hope to share my regrets of doing what I’ve done, to show my inner side that I’ve been hiding….

Continuing what I had written in my previous post, I would like to list some of the wise words that my mom gave to me as a motivational reason to live on…

During that regretful lecture, my mom said to me that…

suicide is an unforgivable sin and forbidden by all religions
as a human being, you make mistakes, what you need to do is regret it, and be better
there will always be people that love & care about you, no matter what the others do to you
only STUPID people commit suicide because they don’t know what they’re missing
you are created for a reason and you need to fulfil this reason
only WEAK people kills themselves as they are not strong against their problems
you are equally important to the world just like everyone
responsibilities are mostly choices of your own, so choose them rightly
suicide means HELL and never, ever will be Heaven
no turning back when you’re dead, so why do you want to do it?
everything happens for a reason, what you need to do is leave it to God and pray

Those were some of the advices that my mom gave to me during her babbles. But the one thing that really touched me is when she said that she loved me, no matter what. As I was sobbing; she stopped nagging, came to me and hugged me, saying “its okay, just don’t ever try to do it again”. I felt the heaviest guilt on that day. Ignoring my parent’s love, ignoring my responsibilities towards them, towards my family and myself, ignoring The One that always watches over everything I do and say and think, ignoring the people that ever cared about me and ignoring my own reason of me created in this world… which is to be someone useful and successful in this temporary world. I realized on that day, that my journey is still very long, I must walk further, think longer, function more and be more… there must be a reason for God to choose me out of millions of tadpoles to play with that buried ball, a reason that I will search even if I need to die for it. At least I’m not dying because of frustration or problems; but I’ll die in faith that I have a goal and I have achieved it…

:::: the reasons to continue living ::::

At last, I come to this topic, related to the “what the s*** does this fella mean?” topic which is on the top of this blog. I received complaints from my fellow Jap-friends Sakyou Dono, Kaori-Chan, and Aki-Chan that my blog is TOO PHILOSHOPHICAL… well, what do you expect? With a topic like that, of course I must write the articles in it philosophically (gosh, that word is such a pain in the tongue to speak, I need to spell one by one: phi.lo.so.phi.cal.ly…). Okay, why did I go for this topic… as I already stated in my past few posts, I am one of those who thought of committing suicide and am one that almost closely tried to commit it… It doesn’t happen though because I forgot to unlock the door and my mom entered and saw me and hijacked the pillow from me and gave me a two hour lecture… Well, those lectures were listened and stored in my psychotic brain (although my mom didn’t think so…) and those lectures themselves were the inspiration to this blog.

My mom lectured me with love and that touched me as I thought that no one loves me anymore. There are at certain points where we felt so stressed out, we just felt blank and felt that there are no more reasons to continue living in this world, as if we bring no meaning to the world. Therefore, why would we want to trouble the others, let’s just kill ourselves… I felt the same feeling and I share the same thoughts with whoever once thought of this… However, if you still continue thinking like this, even if you’ve never thought of the ‘lets just kill ourselves…’ part, by thinking such way; like you bring no meaning to this world can lead to it… so stop thinking like that, will you?

What my mom lectured me consisted of few simple advices that almost anyone could give without having the certificate for counselling or motivation… She said simple things like “you’re important to this world” and such… Sounds like something that anyone could say, right? But at the point where you’re out of motivation, out of spirit, you’ll take that as the biggest, gigantic-est word of motivation anyone has ever told you… Typing this brought tears to my eyes… as I can feel the guilt of almost killing myself, just like the time I was lectured… as I was envisaged (this, you would need to refer to a dictionary…) by the images of me suffering to have a breath of air under the pillow, images of me dying, images of me inside the grave, with people crying and sympathising over my grave, oh how painful it is if their tears dropped onto my grave, oh how painful it is to be inside Hell, tortured in the God’s almighty fires, oh how painful, how painful!!!………………… ((to be continued))

:::: when Death has taken its toll ::::

Before writing this, I had been thinking hard… whether to put this very little-discussed topic at the end of my entire blog or should I write it now… To be honest with you and even to myself, Death is not a fun topic to be discussed, no matter how hardcore-gothic you might be… so why on Earth would I discuss it now? Well, as easy for you to ask the question, as easy it is for me to answer… Death is not one thing to talk about much as it has much of a sensitive and taboo nature, either it is to take care of the feelings of the family of the departed or to respect the dead… because what’s past is past, you need to move on and look straight forward, right? Well I think that statement is for chickens (pussies if you’d prefer…). This is because Death is something not to be taken for granted as everyone goes through it… No, I’m not asking you to ignore the future or something, but we could learn a few things or so from Death itself… such as there is no such thing as immortality in human life as only God, His angels, and His demons are immortal… even the genies, ghosts, and all the supernatural stuffs may die, even if they are already dead… nothing lasts forever and we need to learn from Death, and make it a lesson for us to remember; so the same thing wouldn’t happen to us. I’m not saying that we can dodge Death because I already clearly stated that immortality is a myth. What I meant is we could have precautions of not having the same way Death took all of our loved ones… you must always make sure you’re completely ready everyday, every second and everywhere so you wouldn’t regret leaving this world when the time comes (you can’t predict Death, unless you’re holding the Book of Death or the Death Note for the Jap-horror fans)… that’s why all religions prohibit suicide, as you are still not ready physically, mentally or spiritually…
What brought me to even think of this grimly topic is the death of my beloved uncle from my father’s side… I did not know much about him and I’m not that close to him, but I can see my father’s pain, the agony of a soul that are very close to his own flesh and blood… and I felt his pain too. We certainly wouldn’t know the experience of being dead or being close to death (unless you were reborn or you had gone through a miracle; that is if you even remember). To leave this world, knowing that you’re not ready yet and knowing that you haven’t really done much for the world would make the ‘leaving’ process much, much harder… “To die would be an awfully great adventure” Pan (Peter Pan) once said with his neck at the end of Hook’s sword… that’s a statement of an animated Disney character when he's gonna die, but if that happens to you, will you say the same?

:::: perfect isn't always the best ::::

Everyone wants and dreams of a perfect life (don’t lie, you are one of them). And different personas have different definitions of a so called ’perfect’ life. As we worked hard and swam through fiery oceans we might thought, hey, maybe there are some people who don’t need to do a thing to get a perfect life… that would certainly be easy, wouldn’t it? Well, there are a few things that they (the perfect life peepooles) have or had done to get the perfect life… one: they went for a jackpot and won multibillions of zillions… two: they share the same genetic code to a famous rockstar, or maybe an old dying crinkly guy, but still wants to be with naked girls, especially in his magazine… eherm… with uncountable zeros in their accounts… or three: they’re just damn f***ing lucky to have everything and everyone under their furry asses (how could that be?)… Well, those are for the perfect people who have the wealth god (chai sen, in Chinese) on their side… what if they’re perfect in sense of beauty? Urgh, this hurts for me as I am not one of them and I wished I was… lets guess… one: they have a genetic code of Aphrodite and Achilles combined together with their parent’s XY chromosomal code who already are a feast for the eyes (it means beautiful… stop referring to a dictionary, please!)… two: they used a part of their perfect life named wealth to make them beautiful in a few hours and a few shots on their face and maybe three: their budding hormones changed them from beauty to the beast! Oops, that went wrong… from a beast to beauty! Whatever part of perfect life it is, refer to my post title, perfect isn’t always the best. Yeah, wealth can bring you anything in this world, but you can’t buy love… you can buy people to love you (as an act) but you will always know they’re loving you for your kaching, not yourself… beauty can make everyone fall for you, but it’s only temporary… be it natural beauty or LYDDI (Let Your Doctor Do It) beauty or maybe DIY (Do It Yourself) beauty (is there such thing?), it’s temporary and forever will, because if your’s not, you are an alien from planet somewhere or a mannequin that stands in front of a boutique waiting for new arrival dresses to be put up on you by some high sex drive cashier, and you will be forever smiling and bald (until you wear a wig or a hair is carved on your head)… try asking the perfect life-goers… what I have said, it’s true and if they said its not, trust me, you’ve either asked a wrong guy or gal (cough: not perfect) or they’re bluffin’ your buttered buttocks out…

:::: the reasons for the reasons ::::

It might be weird to name your blog Reasons to Continue Living, right? It sounds as if you're gonna kill yourself but you had come across these reasons and at last you didn't commit the 'score:10over10' sin (refer to my first post, dummy if you cant relate the 'score:10over10' sin to what u had just read...sigh...) i myself noticed how weird and absurd it is to have my blog, my first blog named in such way. It is grim and dull; plus it sounds like this blog is meant for the ones who survived suicide or a blog targeted for the mentally-ill people who are thinking of committing suicide... well, it actually is... in fact i am one of them, the mentally and emotionally-ill people who had thoughts of going the easy way (not the ones that survived one...gulp) and it seems i recovered from that sense (thank goodness!) and realised that these reasons are not just made-up, it's true and factual and logical... the fact is, there are more positives in life than the negatives and all you need to do is savour it and live... yes, it might come a bit later and a bit less than everyone else's positive reasons, but you need to believe, that there is a shining part of yourself, just waiting to be polished, that there are people out there that accepts you for who you are and don't worry, that perfect and happy life you have been wanting to have, is just a few moments away from you and with a few miles of living your life like you should, you shall achieve it and hands down, no one shall interfere with that perfect life you've been drooling for... as everything happens, whether good or bad, you should believe that everything happens for a reason... for God believers of any religion, you know this as He had decided what's to come for us in the future (or so called 'fate') and believe me, karma does happen. Every sin we do shall be paid with bad consequences and the deeds done shall be rewarded with good things. So you better watch what stone you are going to step on, or face the consequences, you either sink or continue standing to step on another stone. Take life as a maze, a very, very, long and confusing maze waiting for you to go through it till the end. All you need to do is make sure you choose the right path so you won't get lost. How you may ask? that's outside my league fellas, as this is about your life, not mine... other people could and should not drive your ship of life (yes, you can make it a car, airplane, donkey or whatever you want it to be, as long you get the idea) because if they do, you're done for it man... as he or she controls your life towards extinction, they are going to turn your life upside down and if you have people controlling your life right now, and you are still dreaming of a perfect life, you will never achieve it even if you are already in your dark loamy grave, rotting. If that's your idea of a perfect life, (FYI, i paused like for an hour before i have the guts to write this...) i can't say anything else but its easier if you die because that's the easiest way to achieve that perfect life of yours. By the way, what I meant by people controlling your life is someone else than your own blood and only applicable for already-independent peeps… I don’t want any parent to come to me and said that I asked their children to go against them, sheesh, that would be bad…

:::: the ending IS the beginning ::::

Ok, now you're dead, and in Hell (the application forms are open only for sinners not deed-ers, well you know the concept)... and you're facing your own sins and faults that you did in the world that you have been given a chance to do deeds (but you didn't)... if you're a Muslim, you will go on and be punished for your sins until you die, and revived again and again to be tortured again, but at last you'll be placed in Heaven... that is until ALL your debts (by means sins) had been paid... if you are a Buddhist, according to my knowledge... (who is not so religious but am trying to be one...) their afterlife is the life brought up back to the world, as someone or something else... be it a human or an animal, you will be brought back into something that's not you, but it's you... (i'm f***ing clueless!) <

> so the similarities are... ((drumroll))... as our life ends, it actually had just begun... just as the statement i wrote just now, the Muslims will begin to know how painful it is to pay for your sins (believe me, paying for your debts are already a pain in the arse...) to reach sin-free level, then move on to the forever happily ever after life in one of the seven Heavens (clearly, only about the 6th and 7th Heaven are for the sinners who had cleared their sins, i mean of course, if you are a heavy sinner, you would be taking such a long time to reach sin-free level... by that time, the first five Heavens would be occupied... by the way, that's only what i thought and assumed in terms of logic... not the truth, because if i do know, i would be God... and i am not Him, so don't ever get me wrong...). Another example that shows the beginning happens as the ending does is like school... first we went to kindergarten, ok that's over, then we need to go to junior highschool or aka primary school, as we thought that's over a new schooling era happens... the highschool aka secondary school and then maybe you'll go to college or university... and after all the suffering and tireness, we hoped and dreamed that at last, it's all over... face the fact people, it had just begun... the young schooling life ends for the adult career life to begin... and again, as that life ends you'll move on to the senior ageing life while waiting for the grim reaper to come for you with his wanted list... that is, if you did not meet him during the process of the past two lives... (note: life here on Earth is not like life in The Sims 2 game where your loved ones can plead the grim reaper to erase your name from his list)…

:::: the spiritual beliefs of the beginning ::::

"How am i supposed to live in this world?" i frequently asked myself... is there really an easy way to a live as beautiful, as perfect and as easy as everyone had dreamed of? Luxury, fame, intelligence, respect, power, love... all the qualities that makes up a perfect life... as most of the organisms in this small world might agree, that's just a lie, a faulty statement that some fugly mentally psychotic dude would say... there is no shortcuts in this world to live in a perfect life, but there are obstacles that all of us (mind you, mind me...) will have to face, if not yesterday or the past; now, or maybe tomorrow, or the day after and after and after until you are buried into the dirty soil where we came from (that's a statement in Islamic beliefs; where we all are made from soil... dirty and worthless and function-less until we are brought up to this world to serve him, Allah the Almighty...) Well, if you are a Scientologist, or an Atheist or maybe a Free Thinker...... you might not think so... yes, not all of us now are made from soil as all the educated person (and do mind the not-so-educated ones...) know that we are made from the little tadpoles swimming through a canal to find a buried ball to play with and after 9 months playing with it, it grows and become you, from a baby to now... where you are able to read English fluently and without referring to a dictionary (if you are, drop it now, loser!). The reason that it is said so is because it's only a metaphor, to make the Muslims know that they are brought up from nothing to something to show how much powerful He is; so we would not disrespect Him... the truth? According to the Al-Quran (the Islamic book of order), only Adam is made from soil and Eve is made of one of his right ribs... then the whole tadpole playing ball happens and tadah… All the men and women in this world exist...

To live in this world would be a difficult process... not to be negative, but it's true... sometimes it felt so hard you'd rather kill yourself and end this right at that time... sounds easy huh? Guess what? Its not, and never will... and i'm not trying to be religious, but in all and i mean all religions... killing yourself is an unforgivable sin, a big 10over10 score for sins and what the Hell does that means? It means HELL!!! (like duh...) The fiery oven brilliantly large to bake every gingerbread man cookie (that's you, sinners!) into burnt bitter cookie crumbs or easily said, ashes (echoes:ashes,ashes,ashes....) Hellaluiah...